I could tell the future if I wanted to

by Daniela Velez

here i am, again at that point
where nothing is certain
but everything is foreseen.
you know the facts
just as i do,
yet we continue. It’s that disgusting
yet lovable
cycle.
I ride it.
I am the ride,
it’s fun if you’re into that.
Blame me.
but you knew, you knew
it would hit you.

I write best when I’m burning.
I’m fueled. but let’s get shit straight: it’s in your head.
i feel lovely.
i am brilliant.. until tomorrow
that is.
you know what the problem is,
but i have no desire to fix it.
I could
act as a gas
that flows, much like humans,
from high to low.
Nature
is like that too you’ll see. It’s a ventilation
system
and I, no different than the rigorous forces
of nature take
refuge in that which can occult me.
I am the fire and the bottle
is my fuel. I drain
the disgusting feelings that lay
in me. I am scared
of the obscene thoughts that reign
my head.
I act terribly, you know that,
but somehow, the acts
can be seen as feminist
strength and thoughts –
at least I can rationalize them as such.

I kill
in order to avoid be killed.
I want everyone’s plate
and as much as I hate fascism
I’m an authoritarian
dictator-
and no one
can trust those as they feed
off the innocent and use rhetoric to destroy.

My rhetoric and my hair- long and dark brown-
probably dry and a fucking mess-
but wet with the water that came
from my burning heart- enchants.
oh how it aches
when I’m in this position.
I mean the best-
I wish.. but it doesn’t end
like that.

Yes, I’m a scarecrow. yes, I will destroy
but I’m such a delicate being. I feel and I fall.
Who would have thought a thorn bush cried.
I want to be that for everyone, but the day just
isn’t long enough. Don’t let the thorns

scare you, I’m almost sure there is a flower.
But then again I’m almost certain that I will wait
till you’re convinced that there is such life
in such a prickly formation and you will caress
it and then nothing will happen and you will bleed.

But I am sober now which means I am un-wonderful
again. I’m the most futile and the most predictable
person in the world. No I’m not more empty now
I’m just quieter. I won’t say these things aloud but you
can still see them- I’m transparent.

Now, come near and let me whisper a secret to you.